HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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