Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
