Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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