Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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