if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
how does that bad decision feel?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
