I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
