I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pants are for mortals
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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