I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My vagina just clenched in fear
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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