but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
