she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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