i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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