I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
