Someone shit on the floor
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
