proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize