First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
