i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
