he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
