he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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