wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
