There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize