...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i came on her dog
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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