I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
