Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
