That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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