So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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