I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
