he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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