he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize