he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
