It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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