you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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