Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
