Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
