If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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