Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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