so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
