your room smells of hookers.
And success
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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