i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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