Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
