People in love make me want to vomit
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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