Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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