i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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