Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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