what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
