guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
