the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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