What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
