Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
