I hate all girls vehemently.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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