Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
