i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
