I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
