Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
