I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize