So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
