I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this boner is exhausting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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