I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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