Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
