u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
