I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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