Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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