his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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