So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
