none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
