Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
