I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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