tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
