I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sext me about skeletons
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
