It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
