he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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