And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
