I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
