Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
