I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
