Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize