You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
did you just send me my own nude
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
