I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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