I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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