I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He felt like a one man threesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
