If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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