he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
