Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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