imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
