I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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