Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
