somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
