i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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