Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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